New Party Emerges In Climate Change Debate
The first years of the Twenty First Century have been marked with incessant and mind-numbingly boring speculation reguarding changes to our planet's climate and the phenomenon of 'Global Warming' or 'Climate Change' . Previously the emphasis of research into climate change has been on it's adverse effects on life as we know it and potential methods of milking the hysteria for every dollar possible.
Some time last Thursday a new voice emerged in the ecological arena to bring life back to this tedious, largely speculative and over-hyped subject. The Don't Stop Climate Change Party or DSCCP, Best known for it's "Who wants to be cold anyway?" campaign, has revolutionised discussion relating to Global Warming by emphasising the potential benefits of polluting the atmoshpere as much as practicable.
Spokesman for the DSCCP, Mr Reginald C. Wingnut appeared before G20 leaders at the weekend petitioning them to desist in their efforts at preventing climate change. Mr Wingnut spoke passionately about the value of a polluted atmoshpere and the enormous gains to be made from actively encouraging it's perpetuation. This is an excerpt from his address.
"...too many nations are taking a narrow minded approach to climate change, they are blinded by the immediate potential for increased revenue through 'emissions trading schemes' and 'carbon taxes' which, whist profitable in the short-term, will eventually result in the destruction of the very markets they wish to establish due to a reduction of their fundamental commodity, namely green-house gasses. The nations of the world must realise that an increase in global climatic temperature will reduce energy consumption by ensuring that people use less energy for heating. A warmer climate will mean that more people will spend their money on domestic and international tourism, giving the ailing tourisim industries of many nations a shot in the arm and stimulating the global economy through increased spending. The other major source of green-house gasses, motorised transport, will also be reduced by global warming as people will be happier to walk or ride to work due to the warmer weather."
Mr Wingnut's impassioned speech was met with a standing ovation from the G20 leaders, many of whom come from countries with exceptionally cold winters, they were visibly enthusiastic about the prospect of paying themselves large amounts of money whilst the climate change problem sorted itself out naturally and taking all the credit.
If Mr Wingnut is correct it would seem that the fear mongering surrounding the whole, eminently dubious, climate change debate might have reached a watershed moment and the global media will be relegated once more to sitting on warmer beaches taking photographs of topless celebrities instead of wasting away amongst fat, balding old men in dreary board-rooms and being subject to poor catering and endless Power-Point presentations of carbon levels and tax revenues showing lines on graphs that nobody really cares about anyway; except for other fat, balding old men.
We took to the streets to measure the public response to Mr Wingnut's address and this reporter can confirm that many people are in fact abandoning their cars in favour of walking or cycling due to the warmer climate. The prospect of an invigorating pedal through sunlit parklands has de-motorised many short-middle distance commuters who would otherwise be slowly driven mad by traffic jams, the asinine opinions of talkback radio callers and having to pay some guy called Nancy (who wears bike shorts) two bucks for smudging their wind-screen.
