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Author Topic: Adultery  (Read 3581 times)

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Adultery
« on: December 10, 2008, 03:58:44 PM »

Do you consider this a sin? A moral wrong or something that is just ok and not a big deal?

Should people that take the moral high ground on some issues, yet commit adultery be considered hypocrites. Are they people of low social and personal morals.

Or is this an out dated concept in a throw away world and something that is just normal.
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Re: Adultery
« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2008, 04:42:06 PM »

I'm not a big fan of marriage, so the term "adultery" is a bit of a problem for me. I call it cheating.  I don't think that having a piece of paper signed by clergy or the government makes a union any more or less valid; if you are going to commit yourself to someone, your integrity should be your guide.

If two people are in a relationship, and both have agreed that it is an exclusive relationship, then yes, it is morally wrong for either party to step outside of that relationship for sexual satisfaction (and yeah, that includes ANY sex, regardless of whether or not there is intercourse - in fact, I think kissing is more intimate than sex, and I'd probably be devastated to find out that the man I'm involved with had even kissed someone else). I'm a big believer in working things out before they get to the point of cheating. I put a high value on keeping lines of communication open and trying to fix things before they get really bad; if I don't know what's wrong I can't address it.

I don't believe in sin. But someone who puts themselves out there as a person of high moral character and integrity who is cheating on his or her spouse or partner is absolutely a hypocrite.  The very fact that an affair is kept "secret" or "hidden" makes it questionable in terms of morality, no? Of course, morality is a very personal thing, but if you're hiding something, how moral can it be, by anyone's definition of the term?

Oh - + 1 for the topic, it's a good one.
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Re: Adultery
« Reply #2 on: December 10, 2008, 05:17:43 PM »

Good answer. But what about the person that is involved with a married person.

Should a male or female that is single get involved with someone for their own personal satisfaction/ lust/ selfishness, who is married and how does this affect your personal perception of them?

Are they someone you wouldn't trust with others things knowing what low social and ethical morals they have? Or do you just blow it off and say its there business and nothing to do with you? Of course then you have to ask yourself how you would feel if this person was with your husband/wife/ partner.

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Re: Adultery
« Reply #3 on: December 10, 2008, 05:34:58 PM »

Good answer. But what about the person that is involved with a married person.

Should a male or female that is single get involved with someone for their own personal satisfaction/ lust/ selfishness, who is married and how does this affect your personal perception of them?

Are they someone you wouldn't trust with others things knowing what low social and ethical morals they have? Or do you just blow it off and say its there business and nothing to do with you? Of course then you have to ask yourself how you would feel if this person was with your husband/wife/ partner.

I think that depends on whether the person who is involved with the married party knew about that status prior to getting involved.  I myself was involved with a married man when I was in my early 20's; I didn't know he was married until after I had slept with him, and at that point I was emotionally involved; it was quite painful, but I ended the relationship, because frankly I refuse to be responsible for knowingly hurting another person, and I wouldn't want it done to me.  I prize honesty above all else in a relationship.  But it sucked big time because, as I said, I didn't know until after I was already emotionally involved.

I've got friends (well, acquaintances, really) who've been involved with married men; while I really don't like to judge anyone, I also don't entirely trust these women either, because it's always in the back of my mind that if they'll do it to someone else, they'd probably have no compunction about making a play for MY man.  I trust HIM, and I'm fairly sure he wouldn't do it, but I don't trust THEM, and it would be, well...UNCOMFORTABLE, to say the least.

As I said before, morality is a very personal thing so I have a hard time saying that someone is of bad moral character, and everyone has their own reasons for doing what they do; no one knows anyone else's heart. That doesn't mean, however, that I have to associate with them.
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Re: Adultery
« Reply #4 on: December 10, 2008, 05:59:07 PM »

I tend to agree with Pers. Sin should have nothing to do with it. Adultery is a breach of the trust with the person you took a marriage vow with. Nothing more, nothing less.

In some cases, both parties know and approve ahead of time. Nothing inherently wrong or sinful about that despite what any holy book may say. It all comes down to trust, keeping your word and the human character fallibility for deceit and lying.

My view is that if youre going to break your marriage vows, cheat and lie to the other, then why remain married? So many people in unhappy marriages resort to all kinds of elaborate lies and even killing their spouse rather than just getting a fucking divorce. Whenever I see a wedding, I cant help but to think if some day one of them will wind up killing the other. Or how much the bride's family will hate the groom's family in the future despite how jolly they all are at the present. I deal with that almost every week.

As for the one involved with the married person, i think they share in some of the culpability but not nearly as much as the married one. They werent the one who took the marriage vows. Some states can still punish that with civil 'alienation of affection' laws and i think that is an appropriate remedy if the person knew they were getting involved with a married person. Make them pay damages to the innocent spouse in a divorce!





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Re: Adultery
« Reply #5 on: December 10, 2008, 06:08:13 PM »

So, Bra1n. Would you trust a person that would knowingly carry on with a married person with something you care about?

Whats your thoughts on that sort of persons moral character. 
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Re: Adultery
« Reply #6 on: December 10, 2008, 06:18:14 PM »

So, Bra1n. Would you trust a person that would knowingly carry on with a married person with something you care about?

Whats your thoughts on that sort of persons moral character.

LOL, I know exactly what youre getting at since I saw this thread started by you. Let's put it this way, it wouldnt be something that I look upon favorably but i wouldn't just judge a person on that single issue. I would look to everything else and keep in mind that we all make mistakes and no one is perfect.

If the person is a habitual liar and cheater throughout life than that's one thing. Adultery will likely be just another in a long laundry list of pitiful acts of deceit that they have committed. If they werent married, then it's not even adultery to begin with. Being involved with a married person and nothing else isnt something that I would consider malum in se.

 
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Re: Adultery
« Reply #7 on: December 10, 2008, 06:54:54 PM »

Regardless of any religeous position, adultery or cheating on one's spouse is wrong. In a democratic society, yes we are free to fuck almost anybody according to the law. Adultery is a moral issue. I believe mariage should be treated as a serious commitment. If you are unwilling to be faithful to your partner then you should not be getting married. If you enjoy playing the field too much then you should not let your selfish behavior break another person's heart. It is pretty clear cut.

If all you want to do is fuck around, go for it...but leave someone who may want to marrry you for love out of it.
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Re: Adultery
« Reply #8 on: December 10, 2008, 06:55:24 PM »

Similar but smarter opinion than brains.

Firstly marrage is a PUBLIC contract to commmit to another person, public agreements are harder to break as they induce scorn and moral approbation when broken.

This leads to the second reason. They are considered best practise for the production and reaering of children, thats not to say one parent cant do it. its just a lot fucking harder, hence statisticlly the success rates are higher for 2 parents.
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Re: Adultery
« Reply #9 on: December 10, 2008, 07:19:24 PM »



Firstly marrage is a PUBLIC contract to commmit to another person, public agreements are harder to break as they induce scorn and moral approbation when broken.



In a lot of countries it is illegal to induce someone to break a contract. Should we be locking up those that sleep with married people?
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Re: Adultery
« Reply #10 on: December 10, 2008, 07:21:12 PM »

Dont be silly, social contracts are civil matters and not criminal matters.
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Re: Adultery
« Reply #11 on: December 11, 2008, 08:37:53 AM »

personally, and im speaking from experience on both sides of the fence, i dont believe the "other" party holds any responsibility whatsoever for the faithfulness of my spouse/partner. i believe its fully my partners responsibility to be faithful unless they are drugged/forced etc. they are the one that made the vows or indicated the exclusivity of our relationship, not the other person. i simply cannot hold the other person responsible in any way shape or form. as a matter of fact im fairly good friends with my ex-wifes extramarital partner. we dont hang out all the time or anything but i have nothing against him.
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Re: Adultery
« Reply #12 on: December 12, 2008, 02:08:43 AM »

I fully agree with you Devious.
I too, have been on both sides. There are reasons a lot of people don't understand. There is no cut and dry answer as each situation is usually unique. There are the usual "dude can't keep his dick in his pants" or "bitch is just married for $$ and doesn't give a shit" but for the others, don't judge until you know the entire picture. I personally, would be seriously sad but would understand if my manfriend decided one day he was fully in love with someone else. Sucks ass but it happens. Live goes in different directions and everyone moves on. Don't judge others, it's a bunch of bullshit.
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Re: Adultery
« Reply #13 on: December 12, 2008, 08:03:35 PM »

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Re: Adultery
« Reply #14 on: December 19, 2008, 01:53:00 PM »

I fully agree with you Devious.
I too, have been on both sides. There are reasons a lot of people don't understand. There is no cut and dry answer as each situation is usually unique. There are the usual "dude can't keep his dick in his pants" or "bitch is just married for $$ and doesn't give a shit" but for the others, don't judge until you know the entire picture. I personally, would be seriously sad but would understand if my manfriend decided one day he was fully in love with someone else. Sucks ass but it happens. Live goes in different directions and everyone moves on. Don't judge others, it's a bunch of bullshit.

I don't judge anyone. However, I can't stand a liar or a cheater (it's actually one and the same). If you don't want to be with me anymore, then fine, tell me that. I'll be hurt, but I'll get over it. But don't act like everything's all fine and dandy and then go sticking it to someone else behind my back. Like I said, I can't fix something if I don't know it's broken.

I would rather have the shit kicked out of me than find out the man I love fucked someone else. And I would be even more destroyed if I found out there was some kind of emotional involvement and it wasn't just sex. If it's previously agreed upon  by both parties that's okay, but lying and cheating are wrong. Period.

I have some trust issues, could ya tell?
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Re: Adultery
« Reply #15 on: December 21, 2008, 12:53:16 AM »

LOL I can tell!

I think, personally, having been married for over 10 years and walking away... the pain is in fact temporary. If a man raises a hand to me he better fucking kill me. If I don't kill him I will take the law and use it against him to the fullest. My kids will never NEVER be witness to that bullshit. It's the one thing my mom always instilled in me. Good thing too, she sucks as a cook and as anything else much haha!

It's harder than people realize unless they have been in the situation where they don't want to hurt the person they are currently with, but feel strongly about someone else. I struggled, then told them, I couldn't be with them anymore. I love the man I'm with and if he wasn't happy with me, I would want him to go and be happy if it wasn't with me. I would be sad but it's not the end of the world.
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Re: Adultery
« Reply #16 on: December 21, 2008, 11:18:17 AM »

I have been the "other woman" in the adultery thing.  I have dated men who were married, but not with my knowledge.  I found out when they couldn't or wouldn't be with me on weekends, would only see me after work and never take me to meet their families.  Thankfully it only happened twice, but that is once too many. 

I am more cautious now, I ask if they are married, then make a date for a Saturday night, if they can't make it, then I will need a really good explanation...twice bitten... :vc:
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Fipronila

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Re: Adultery
« Reply #17 on: December 21, 2008, 01:30:54 PM »

Even so, now a days, men may not be married but living with someone. I know I'm not going to get married again because I don't feel it's necessary, but as long as he's living in my house I want him to be faithful. If he isn't, sianara asshole -  don't bring any fucking crotch cooties into my bed!
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Persephone

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Re: Adultery
« Reply #18 on: December 21, 2008, 03:52:36 PM »



JIMINY CROTCH CRICKET!
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Fipronila

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Re: Adultery
« Reply #19 on: December 21, 2008, 04:13:04 PM »

HOLY SHIT hahaha ew! Can you imagine waking up next to someone you thought was hot last night but isn't so much in the morning, then look down and THAT'S looking at you? Hahaha!!
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