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Author Topic: Man Rules  (Read 1882 times)

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Man Rules
« on: January 16, 2009, 06:39:22 PM »

copied from the internet..



Some basic rules about being a MAN (as I see it)...You can officially lose your "Man License for any of the following infractions:

A Man does not use a "Luffa" (or "Loofah") sponge. EVER.

A Man is only allowed to cry over funerals, patriotic moments/events/, or at the end of Brian's Song. That's it.

A MAN should never get massaged by another man. Call me dumb or narrow-minded. I don't care. It just shouldn't happen.

A MAN is only allowed to watch a Romantic Comedy if his wife/girlfriend makes him. It CAN be acceptable if you are hungover and laying on the couch and by yourself and there is NOTHING else on, but you don't admit to it. If there are other people around, you can only watch it if you are actively making fun of it throughout.

Similarly, a MAN is permitted to watch American Idol and The Real World, but he must make fun of them, as well, in order to do so. Under NO circumstances are soap operas acceptable.
By the way--there is an Oprah-quota: a MAN is allowed to watch, but no more than one episode per month. If you watch a second episode within that month's time, your balls immediately fall right off, and then you better hope the dog's not around.

A MAN should be able to change his own oil (but you don't neccesarily have to), fix a flat tire (this, you MUST), change headlight, jump start a car, or replace a dead battery. Hell, WOMEN should be able to do these things!
Re-building a tranny is a plus, but not required.

A MAN will never console/befriend/date the ex-girlfriend of one of his friends.
ESPECIALLY if the break-up is a nasty one.
(WEASELS do that, not MEN).

Note: However, the passage of time does erode this rule.
Use an inverse ratio of waiting time to hotness to know how long you should wait: so a proverbail "10" on the hotness scale would only require a year of waiting, while a "2" would require 8 years of waiting...(hardly seems worth it, does it? :lol
By the way, without your friend's explicit permission, NONE of this is acceptable.

The following foods MUST be eaten with the hands: wings, chicken legs, subs/cheesesteaks/sandwiches (unless open-face).

Unless you are a legendary rock star, eye-liner is UNACCEPTABLE.

Unless going on stage, television, or covering up a hickey, MAKE-UP is also unacceptable.

And, in my mind, a MAN does not use hair gel or hair spray. Period.
(I will get disagreement here, I'm sure)

A MAN is not disgusted by the sight of blood, guts, porn, people puking, or animals screwing. These things are either funny or fascinating or arousing, depending on the specific situation.
(Note: however, some of these, when combined, could be considered extremely vile and repugnant...)

A MAN enjoys sports. Period.
Either playing them, watching them, debating about them, playing them in fantasy or on video games.
I don't care if it's just bowling, ping-pong, curling, or ice-fishing...
A "guy" who says, "I don't like sports" or "I'm not that into sports" IMMEDIATELY gets his man-license revoked.

It is acceptable for a MAN to dance...but he should not be good at it.

A MAN should have killed and eaten something at least ONCE in his life, even if it's only a FISH.

A MAN always lets/makes the lady come first, unless authorized otherwise.
(Maybe that's more "gentle"man rules...but that's always been my practice).

A MAN should know how to tie a tie.

A MAN does not wear a fanny pack. I don't care if you're HULK HOGAN (he does! he does!)--the NAME alone FORBIDS you!!




I admit, i wore a fanny pack once or twice while on vacation.  :lol:

Im in total agreement about a guy getting a massage from another guy. WTF is that all about?

Any other Man Rules which should be added?
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Re: Man Rules
« Reply #1 on: January 16, 2009, 07:05:02 PM »

You're American aren't you  :wheelchair:
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Re: Man Rules
« Reply #2 on: January 16, 2009, 07:36:45 PM »

You're American aren't you  :wheelchair:

That's right, which means that I have never worn a kilt for the sake of some outdated tradition. That's another Man Rule which should be added to the list - a MAN should never wear a skirt.

Let Prince Charles know.
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Re: Man Rules
« Reply #3 on: January 16, 2009, 07:42:32 PM »

That's right, which means that I have never worn a kilt for the sake of some outdated tradition. That's another Man Rule which should be added to the list - a MAN should never wear a skirt.

Let Prince Charles know.

OK...here we go...I've been trolled.

Name me the greatest Warrior that this world has EVER seen.
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Re: Man Rules
« Reply #4 on: January 16, 2009, 07:45:55 PM »

OK...here we go...I've been trolled.

Name me the greatest Warrior that this world has EVER seen.

The Ultimate Warrior?

WTF are you getting at?
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Re: Man Rules
« Reply #5 on: January 16, 2009, 07:50:06 PM »

The Ultimate Warrior?

WTF are you getting at?


Who's name resounds down through the mists of time, who conquered the known world , who still to this day has city's named after him, who was played by a wayward drunken sot of an Irish actor called Colin in a recent film ?
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Re: Man Rules
« Reply #6 on: January 16, 2009, 08:03:05 PM »

"A MAN is only allowed to watch a Romantic Comedy if his wife/girlfriend makes him"

Does anyone but me see the oxymoron in this whole sentence?
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Re: Man Rules
« Reply #7 on: January 16, 2009, 08:30:11 PM »

That's another Man Rule which should be added to the list - a MAN should never wear a skirt.


You're right, they should not be allowed...only if they look like this!



or this.....

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Re: Man Rules
« Reply #8 on: January 16, 2009, 10:54:52 PM »

That's right, which means that I have never worn a kilt for the sake of some outdated tradition. That's another Man Rule which should be added to the list - a MAN should never wear a skirt.

I wore a kilt when I was in the Highland Games on Grandfather Mountain and Sean Connery occasionally wears a kilt.
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Re: Man Rules
« Reply #9 on: January 16, 2009, 11:08:50 PM »

Sean Connery can do whatever he wants because he's Sean Connery! I don't know why he rules he just does.

AND that is TOTALLY an oxymoron who lets their GF make them watch a shitty chick flick?  Make them? lol manly.

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Re: Man Rules
« Reply #10 on: January 16, 2009, 11:49:09 PM »

OK, we could be here all day...the greatest warrior that ever lived...Alexander the Great.

A screaming mincer, a raging homosexual.  I'm sure that he'd have a few words to say about your "Man Rules".

The greatest warrior that "may" have lived ?  Achilles..."companion" or lover as we'd say today of Patroclus, besieger of Troy, he of the winged foot and ferocious sword.

A screaming mincer, a raging homosexual.  I'm sure that he'd have a few words to say about your "Man Rules".

Just sayin'  :nails:
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Re: Man Rules
« Reply #11 on: January 17, 2009, 11:35:23 AM »

Alexandra the Great.

Real men are to busy to bother with this shit.
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Re: Man Rules
« Reply #12 on: January 18, 2009, 02:03:00 PM »

I use a loofah :(  but at least it's blue!!!

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Re: Man Rules
« Reply #13 on: January 18, 2009, 02:11:56 PM »

I wore a kilt when I was in the Highland Games on Grandfather Mountain and Sean Connery occasionally wears a kilt.

Haha, faggit!! 

What the hell is/are the Highland Games? :gayal:
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Deuteronomy 13:6-16

Cookie Monster

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Re: Man Rules
« Reply #14 on: January 18, 2009, 05:16:10 PM »

google motherfucker.
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princess of pt

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Re: Man Rules
« Reply #15 on: January 21, 2009, 07:09:12 PM »

I use a loofah :(  but at least it's blue!!!

you ARE a loofah.  :vc:
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Re: Man Rules
« Reply #16 on: January 21, 2009, 07:26:34 PM »

Alexander the great wasn't a warrior, he was a military strategist.

George Washington however, fought on the frontlines and founded a nation that is still the leading world superpower to this day.
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princess of pt

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Re: Man Rules
« Reply #17 on: January 21, 2009, 07:32:25 PM »

yeah! and he wore bloomers! skirts are for nancy boys!

 :vc:
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Re: Man Rules
« Reply #18 on: January 21, 2009, 07:46:24 PM »

Alexander the great wasn't a warrior, he was a military strategist.



yes he was. :hammer:
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Re: Man Rules
« Reply #19 on: January 21, 2009, 08:23:45 PM »

George Washington was a drag queen. He wore a wig even.
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And I'll dance with you in Vienna, I'll be wearing a river's disguise. The hyacinth wild on my shoulder, my mouth on the dew of your thighs. And I'll bury my soul in a scrapbook, with the photographs there, and the moths and I'll yield to the flood of your beauty my cheap violin and my cross.
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