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Author Topic: This is the shit  (Read 2060 times)

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deBauchTopic starter

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This is the shit
« on: February 09, 2009, 07:52:22 PM »

You can be left wing / right wing...you can be rich, you can be poor, you can be the most holier than thou god fearing motherfucker or the most satan loving twat since Lucifer himself, the Pope, the Archbishop, Mother Theresa but the fact is that within the past 8 hours you have taken a shit...you have squeezed out a deuce into the pot....you have released Tarka and her otter cubs into the sewer of freedom.

Why is it that we find this one thing so hard to talk about ?  Every single one of us takes a good old crap...its time that we got down to the nitty shitty.....
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Quote from: Marquis deBlois after reading his death sentence before being guilloteened
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deBauchTopic starter

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Re: This is the shit
« Reply #1 on: February 09, 2009, 07:54:55 PM »

I just had a shit that came very close to the worst sex that I've ever had...I squeezed out triplicates...man it felt good....the last one took a fair amount of face strain, thank god no one saw my face at that time...I looked a right cunt  :uhuh:
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deBauchTopic starter

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Re: This is the shit
« Reply #2 on: February 09, 2009, 07:59:05 PM »

 :moon: :tater: :deadhorse: :shitstorm: :bunny: :bong: :choccake:
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53V3N

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Re: This is the shit
« Reply #3 on: February 09, 2009, 08:07:36 PM »

 :turd:
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Re: This is the shit
« Reply #4 on: February 09, 2009, 09:14:06 PM »

Soo De Bauch.....good acid, eh?
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Fipronila

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Re: This is the shit
« Reply #5 on: February 09, 2009, 11:38:41 PM »

It's true - it's the one thing I can't talk about with the manfriend in fear of ruining the hawtness.

I tell you what - anyone ever use that colon cleanse shit? You will see things you were never meant to see.
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deBauchTopic starter

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Re: This is the shit
« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2009, 11:39:59 AM »

Soo De Bauch.....good acid, eh?


Ex Lax actually, can't get acid for shit these days once it went down to 3 quid per tab, no margins anymore.


It's true - it's the one thing I can't talk about with the manfriend in fear of ruining the hawtness.


Its the sign of a proper relationship when you can curl one down in front of your partner  :wheelchair:

I was due a good dump three hours ago but I'm going to "pleasure delay" for a real Howitzer  :snack:
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Quote from: Marquis deBlois after reading his death sentence before being guilloteened
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LKTraz

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Re: This is the shit
« Reply #7 on: February 11, 2009, 02:15:07 PM »

George Carlin pointed out that we don't take a shit......we leave them!

Bob: I took a shit Bill.
Bill:  What?  Give it back man.  I only have 3 left and there's a long weekend coming up.  Go home and take one of your own shits!

Ok...so try the alternative:

Bob:  I left a shit Bill.
Bill:   Oh geeze.  Where did you leave it this time?  Last year the kids didn't find it till Easter.

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deBauchTopic starter

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Re: This is the shit
« Reply #8 on: February 11, 2009, 02:49:27 PM »

I just dropped one off that was so big I'm considering applying for a birth certificate for it  :turd:


 :wheelchair:
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53V3N

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Re: This is the shit
« Reply #9 on: February 11, 2009, 02:49:59 PM »

George Carlin pointed out that we don't take a shit......we leave them!

Bob: I took a shit Bill.
Bill:  What?  Give it back man.  I only have 3 left and there's a long weekend coming up.  Go home and take one of your own shits!

Ok...so try the alternative:

Bob:  I left a shit Bill.
Bill:   Oh geeze.  Where did you leave it this time?  Last year the kids didn't find it till Easter.

I've always thought the "Take a shit" and "Give a shit" phrases were funny.

There's the "take a shit" example from Carlin and also the "Give a shit" example: (not sure where I heard this one)

Tony: Hey, Peter why don't you get a haircut?

Peter: Pffft... I don't give a shit.

Tony: Really? I give one every day... to my toilet. BAM!

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deBauchTopic starter

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Re: This is the shit
« Reply #10 on: February 11, 2009, 02:53:39 PM »

Fucking thread's turning to shit  :turd:
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thekid65

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Re: This is the shit
« Reply #11 on: February 11, 2009, 05:52:07 PM »

Fucking thread's turning to shit  :turd:

No, it started off as shit, did it not?
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The Scoundrel

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Re: This is the shit
« Reply #12 on: February 11, 2009, 06:22:59 PM »

I had to stop off at the pub on the way home from work to drop a load before it got messy in my pants. It was touching cloth by the time i burst through the toilet door and it was split second timing actually getting my kegs down and hitting the bog seat before i blew.  :oops:

I must have come out looking so relieved i reckon they must have thought i'd been bashing the Bishop.  :lmao:
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deBauchTopic starter

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Re: This is the shit
« Reply #13 on: February 11, 2009, 06:35:45 PM »

I had to stop off at the pub on the way home from work to drop a load before it got messy in my pants. It was touching cloth by the time i burst through the toilet door and it was split second timing actually getting my kegs down and hitting the bog seat before i blew.  :oops:

I must have come out looking so relieved i reckon they must have thought i'd been bashing the Bishop.  :lmao:



Oh the RELIEF and yet the pain ?!?!

When the sphinkty muscles are playing Mozarts "Dawn Chorus" and there is not a shyter for miles.  Its not like you can tell your own body to get a fucking grip...when you've got to unload...you've got to unload....

This thread just got hit by a shitstorm and took a different turd....where is the weirdest place that you've ever taken a dirty great steaming crap ?


...........  :goatse:


 :turd:
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OMFG It's TOE!

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Re: This is the shit
« Reply #14 on: February 11, 2009, 09:19:16 PM »

I've had some truly epic creations birthed from my bowels. I've had shits that literally coiled around the inside of the bowl. I've had shits that were so long, and in one piece that half of it disappeared down the hole and the other half stuck straight up, protruding from the water like a piece of driftwood on the shore of a lake. I've had shits  so magnificant that when I reached down to wipe my ass I could feel heat radiating off of it.

I'm pretty much the greatest shitter to ever live.
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LKTraz

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Re: This is the shit
« Reply #15 on: February 12, 2009, 03:20:02 AM »

Under the Atlantic City, NJ boardwalk at 3:00 AM (pre casino days when everything closed down by 1 AM or so).

I've had to pull over beside the highway and lean up against my drive tire to leave a steaming pile on more than one occasion too.
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Re: This is the shit
« Reply #16 on: February 12, 2009, 06:55:20 AM »

I'm so fucking glad this was the first thread I opened at 7 in the morning.
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LKTraz

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Re: This is the shit
« Reply #17 on: February 13, 2009, 05:45:03 AM »

I'm so fucking glad this was the first thread I opened at 7 in the morning.

Oh just float a Tootsie Roll in your coffee and you'll forget all about it!  :rotf:
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Re: This is the shit
« Reply #18 on: February 15, 2009, 09:35:54 PM »

Suffer from constipation deBauch? Try a little fiber now and then, that'll save you from hemoroids. :lmao:
Once had an uncle-in-law who drank a quart of welches white grape juice every Sunday because he felt the resulting three hours of cramping and diarrea were the closest thing to God he ever felt. No Shit! :grin:
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Re: This is the shit
« Reply #19 on: February 15, 2009, 09:42:50 PM »

When I was living in London some years back I went on a two week bender, pretty much drank the entire time and had very little solid food.

Catching a bus home I suddenly had what I thought was a wet trouser trumpet. raced off the bus and into the first pub.

Left the most rancid odor. The spastic fuckers in there looked at me as I left the place, I sneered at them and thought wait to you cunts go for a piss
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