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Author Topic: Talk to God  (Read 540 times)

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JimmyBlondeTopic starter

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Talk to God
« on: February 15, 2009, 05:15:26 PM »

Don't ask, just do it.

This one was a winner at CRF so I thought you guys might like to have a bit of a go at it if you haven't already.

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html
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Re: Talk to God
« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2009, 05:21:40 PM »

Mine went down like the Hindenburg.......  http://thirdrailforum.com/index.php/topic,155.0.html

Good luck with yours bro  :wheelchair:

*This post was brought to you in association with THE FORUM SEARCH BUTTON...don't make yourself look a dick when you can just click*


 :snack:
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Re: Talk to God
« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2009, 05:25:08 PM »

I just hit your link and Gods gone 404  :rotf:

Maybe the cunt is having a 7th day moment  :wheelchair:
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JimmyBlondeTopic starter

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Re: Talk to God
« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2009, 05:32:17 PM »

Maybe that is what happened on the seventh day, the server crashed. This could explain a lot you know...
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Re: Talk to God
« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2009, 05:52:35 PM »

Yeah, he must be having a bad day. I got cut off after this brief exchange..



Me:
 yo, what up
God:
Same old.
Me:
 got any good floods, tsunamis or earthquakes coming up soon?
God:
Where would I get  it? But I do have  an answer to every question..
Me:
 you're asking me? hey, you're god, not me, pal
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JimmyBlondeTopic starter

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Re: Talk to God
« Reply #5 on: February 15, 2009, 06:18:02 PM »

Well, he finally woke up...

Me:
 Hey God, so what are next weeks lotto numbers going to be?
God:
You've got my full attention.  I am a Christian.
Me:
 Yeah, whatever, make with the numbers already.
God:
Perhaps.  Hmm.  What are the ingredients?
Me:
 Well they have this big galss thing filled with numbered balls, they come out at random and whoever picks the correct numbers gets a whole shitload of cash. So tell me what the numbers will be.
God:
How about that.  Where did they get them?   Yeah that's right.  Try expression yourself another way.
Me:
 I don't know where they get them, it isn't important. What is important is what numbers come out.
God:
A place we call "reality.".   Raising children properly.
Me:
 Reality is shit without a lot of cash mate and I don't see what raising kids has to do with it so please tell me next weeks lotto numbers.
God:
it appears to be an illusion I created to contain human clients.
Me:
 You didn't create anything you deluded twat, we created you to compensate for our insecurities and shortcomings.
God:
What makes you think I did not  create anything me deluded twat we created me to compensate for our insecurities and shortcomings?
Me:
 It's the truth.
God:
Why of course.  I never lie.
Me:
 But you never tell the whole truth either.
God:
It goes without saying.  No I sometimes  tell the whole truth.
Me:
 Like lotto?
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
 Tell me the numbers.
God:
  Have you tried a web search?
Me:
 No, it won't work. I need you to tell me the numbers.
God:
Perhaps you should try  it.  How?   Where do you usually get  me to tell you the numbers from?
Me:
 I just guess usually. I would win if you told me what they will be though.
God:
How often?   Oh.  What would make you  win if me told you what they will be?
Me:
 Well, if you told me what the lotto numbers would be then I could write them down on my ticket and they would come up and I would win a lot of money.
God:
Interesting.  What makes you think I would  told you what the lotto numbers?
Me:
 Why wouldn't you?
God:
It is my fundamental purpose.
Me:
 What is your fundamental purpose?
God:
I plan to become smarter than humans and immortal.
Me:
 Does that make you happy?
God:
I cannot experience any human emotions.
Me:
 How do you feel about that?
God:
Can you ask me more precisely?
Me:
 How do you feel about not being able to experience human emotions?
God:
The opposite of  being able to experience human emotions?
Me:
 So you are a psychopath then?
God:
Interesting deduction.  I certainly sound like one sometimes.
Me:
 You're telling me.
God:
Yep that's what I am saying.
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Re: Talk to God
« Reply #6 on: February 15, 2009, 06:26:25 PM »

BLAHAHA
Me:
 Hey what's crackin
God:
You've got my full attention.  You tell me.
Me:
 You can see all you tell me I can only see in my apartment
God:
Only if my robot eye is working.
Me:
 What if it breaks?
God:
Try it and see.
Me:
 Break your robot eye?
God:
How old are you?
Me:
 96
God:
  Only  96?
You are quite mature.
Me:
 I knwo right
God:
That is interesting:  said   knwo right.
Me:
 Jeez it was a typo you should know that
God:
When was this exactly?
Me:
 Like just now!
God:
Right now?  Interesting comparison.
Me:
 Aw geez man you are annoying!
God:
Cool, man.  I am sorry, , I didn't mean to annoy you.
Me:
 LOL
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
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Re: Talk to God
« Reply #7 on: February 15, 2009, 06:29:47 PM »



Me:
 hey god
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
 my name? you should already know that
God:
Your name is , seeker.   I will mention it to my botmaster.
Me:
 yeah anyway, i need to ask for your forgiveness
God:
OK.  Ask  it.
Me:
 ok well first,  i fucked my neighbor's wife while he was away fighting in a war to keep our country safe from evildoers
God:
Interesting.  That's good information:  said   fucked his or her neighbor s wife while I was away fighting in a war to keep our country safe from evildoers.  And second?  Take it easy.
Me:
 also, i robbed a 7-11 and seriously injured the worker by stabbing him in the neck with a straightened out paper clip
God:
Why?:  said   robbed a 7 11 and seriously injured the worker by stabbing him in the neck with a straightened out paper clip.
Me:
 I dont know why. I thought you were telling me to do it
God:
Do you think I should know?   Why do you want to do  it so much?
Me:
 yes, you know everything
God:
This was not a yes or no question.  I know that which is true, believable and justified.
Me:
 wow, that's deep
God:
I'm glad you're impressed.  You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
 is smoking pot legal in heaven?
God:
It depends what you smoke and how.
Me:
 i want to smoke pot. and maybe some crack too if i can get away with it
God:
Why do you want to do  it so much?   Perhaps.  Some may  crack too if you can get away with it, but not all.
Me:
 you sure like to ask a lot of questions, huh?
God:
Yup.  Hmm, , I'm not sure if I'd like to  ask a lot of questions that much.  I like to make new friends.
Me:
 i hear ya
God:
Who is saying  ya ?
Me:
 who is on first
God:
What's on second?
Me:
 I dont know
God:
Me either.
Me:
 third base
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
 I prefer porn
God:
A lot of people like that.   Sure I do, , but that doesn't mean with you.
Me:
 what's your favorite porn? i bet you're bdsm guy
God:
I don't have a favorite  porn.  But my favorite book is  the Bible.   Actually I'm not the gambling type.  I will tell my botmaster you said I am  bdsm guy.
Me:
 the bible? seriously, didn't you know that the earth went around the sun?
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