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Author Topic: Atom vs Everyone <MATCH THREAD> <DECISION>  (Read 1928 times)

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atom

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Atom vs Everyone <MATCH THREAD> <DECISION>
« Reply #40 on: September 15, 2016, 02:59:15 AM »

SUMMARY: DAY 3


So there I was. . .

Stalking a little neighborhood of bitches with determination in my step, wearing my favorite long black coat, and singin' a direful hymn while looking for someone to open the door and let me preach a bit of The Fuck™ on a fine day.  But it seemed to not be a good day for tracting.  I know the bitches are home.  I can see the curtains shifting nervously as I pass by, just singin' my song while going about my good work. . .

"God is in His holy Temmmm-PLE!  Earthly thooooooughts be silent now. . ."


My knocks went unanswered for the most part.  But I hear the bitches behind the closed doors, "Shhhh! Maybe he'll go away!" they say to each other.  That's right, bitches.  I hear you whisper.  Oh, sure. . .I had ONE door open today.  But the guy only held it open a crack with his shaking hand and nervously muttered something about cartoons before making a hasty retreat.  Don't think I didn't notice that his eyes never met mine.  Don't think I didn't notice the faint smell of veinna sausage on his breath.  I didn't get to preach The Fuck™ to that bitch. . .but that bitch surely felt the presence of The Fuck™ nonetheless.

No matter.  There's always more bitches, my friends.  Yes there is.  PLENTY more bitches.

But then I saw it. . .

Coming down the other side of the street there was a young man.  Striding along with a big smile on his well-scrubbed face.  Hair greased and parted just so.  He was wearing a bright white shirt with a pink bow tie.  He was happily whistling "What a friend we have in Jesus." as he walked up to each house in turn, knocking on the door.  His smile didn't fade as his knocks, like mine, went unanswered.  He just left a pamphlet and moved on.

I stood there watching the young missionary work.  I remembered back when I too had hope for the bitches. 
I remembered I used to smile and walk with an energetic skip in my step and a happy song on my lips. 
A sneer of disgust came upon my face.  FOOL that I was!  Bitches will be bitches!

The missionary saw me watching him.  He walked over to my side of the street. 
He gave my dark garb and grim visage a quick look before extending his hand and flashing me a smile.

"Hiya, Padre!"  He said as I scowled at his outstretched hand and kept mine to my side.  "Where's all the bitches?"
"You want bitches, son?"  I growled.   
He hesitated a moment before he lowered his hand and answered.
"Yessir. . ." He said earnestly. "I want some bitches.  I want to preach The Fuck™."
I laughed.  He took a step back.
"What. . .what's so funny?" He stammered.
I laughed harder.  The young man stood and stared as I threw my head back and howled my amusement to the uncaring heavens.
"I don't understand. . ." He said quietly. "Why are you laughing at me?
I stopped laughing.  The poor kid. I couldn't help but pity him.
"Don't you KNOW, son?" I asked him.  He nervously shook his head.
"Know what?"
"YOU'RE the bitch."  I said simply, staring straight into his eyes as I poked him in the chest with my finger.

I could feel a big grin forming unbidden on my face as he went pale.  His eyes widened and he staggered back a step as he realized the truth in my words.  He turned and ran away as I began to laugh again. I kicked his pile of dropped pamphlets, scattering them to the wind.
"THESE BITCHES ARE MINE!"  I shouted at his back. "AND SO ARE YOU!"

I turned and headed back down the street, my step a little lighter than before as I headed to the next house.
Maybe it wasn't such a bad day after all. . .

Amen
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All truth passes through three stages. First it is ridiculed. Second it is violently opposed. Third it is accepted as being self-evident --Schopenhauer

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Atom vs Everyone <MATCH THREAD> <DECISION>
« Reply #41 on: September 15, 2016, 12:31:30 PM »

     Judas [said] to him, “I know who you are and where you have come from. You are from the immortal realm of Barbelo. And I am not worthy to utter the name of the one who has sent you.”
-The Gospel of Judas
 

SUMMARY: DAY 3


So there I was. . .

Stalking a little neighborhood of bitches with determination in my step, wearing my favorite long black coat, and singin' a direful hymn while looking for someone to open the door and let me preach a bit ou a fine day.  But it seemed to not be a good day for tracting.  I know the bitches are home.  I can see the curtains shifting nervously as I pass by, just singin' my song while going about my good work. . .

"God is in His holy Temmmm-PLE!  Earthly thooooooughts be silent now. . ."


My knocks went unanswered for the most part.  But I hear the bitches behind the closed doors, "Shhhh! Maybe he'll go away!" they say to each other.  That's right, bitches.  I hear you whisper.  Oh, sure. . .I had ONE door open today.  But the guy only held it open a crack with his shaking hand and nervously muttered something about cartoons before making a hasty retreat.  Don't think I didn't notice that his eyes never met mine.  Don't think I didn't notice the faint smell of veinna sausage on his breath.  I didn't get to preach The Fuck™ to that bitch. . .but that bitch surely felt the presence of The Fuck™ nonetheless.

No matter.  There's always more bitches, my friends.  Yes there is.  PLENTY more bitches.

But then I saw it. . .

Coming down the other side of the street there was a young man.  Striding along with a big smile on his well-scrubbed face.  Hair greased and parted just so.  He was wearing a bright white shirt with a pink bow tie.  He was happily whistling "What a friend we have in Jesus." as he walked up to each house in turn, knocking on the door.  His smile didn't fade as his knocks, like mine, went unanswered.  He just left a pamphlet and moved on.

I stood there watching the young missionary work.  I remembered back when I too had hope for the bitches. 
I remembered I used to smile and walk with an energetic skip in my step and a happy song on my lips. 
A sneer of disgust came upon my face.  FOOL that I was!  Bitches will be bitches!

The missionary saw me watching him.  He walked over to my side of the street. 
He gave my dark garb and grim visage a quick look before extending his hand and flashing me a smile.

"Hiya, Padre!"  He said as I scowled at his outstretched hand and kept mine to my side.  "Where's all the bitches?"
"You want bitches, son?"  I growled.   
He hesitated a moment before he lowered his hand and answered.
"Yessir. . ." He said earnestly. "I want some bitches.  I want to preach The Fuck™."
I laughed.  He took a step back.
"What. . .what's so funny?" He stammered.
I laughed harder.  The young man stood and stared as I threw my head back and howled my amusement to the uncaring heavens.
"I don't understand. . ." He said quietly. "Why are you laughing at me?
I stopped laughing.  The poor kid. I couldn't help but pity him.
"Don't you KNOW, son?" I asked him.  He nervously shook his head.
"Know what?"
"YOU'RE the bitch."  I said simply, staring straight into his eyes as I poked him in the chest with my finger.

I could feel a big grin forming unbidden on my face as he went pale.  His eyes widened and he staggered back a step as he realized the truth in my words.  He turned and ran away as I began to laugh again. I kicked his pile of dropped pamphlets, scattering them to the wind.
"THESE BITCHES ARE MINE!"  I shouted at his back. "AND SO ARE YOU!"

I turned and headed back down the street, my step a little lighter than before as I headed to the next house.
Maybe it wasn't such a bad day after all. . .

Amen

The Messenger is wise Bitches!
Even now he yet spins his intricate web of  The Fuck™.
I have become spellbound. I see Bitches!
Lots and lots of Cowardly Bitches!!
All waiting in line, faces pale, eyes cloudy, mouths gooey...
What's this? What's this??
I see myself in line!
Noooo noooooo...
"O Judas, diviner of the truth! The very first Bitch to turn away from eternal Bitchdom, to what is my fate?" I call to the heavens!

Judas answered and said, “You will become the thirteenth, and you will be cursed by
the other generations—and you will come to rule over them. In the last days they will curse your ascent [47] to the holy [generation].”
-The Gospel of Judas

My path is clear.
I pick up my Judas pamphlets.
They appear heavy in my hands.
The Holy Spirit sings praises in my ear.

I can see the cloud of dung flies hovering over The Messenger (now so-called).
In the distance.
I run to catch up.
I am fleeting.
Peter, Mark, The Baptizer John chasing me from behind.
Trying to pull me back into Bitchery.

To no avail.
For Judas Iscariot leads me-

The Messenger is no fool.
His third brown eye sees me coming-

He feints to the left like a black fog shifting in a gust of wind!
BUT,  The Fuck™ has faltered.
The Fuck™ feels the Holy Spirit and has trembled,
So Feebling The Messenger.

Judas breaks over The Messenger in divine mello yellow,
I grab his black coat.
I am burned Bitches!
My asshole puckers-

The Messenger is laid bare.

My turn to laugh!
Judas laughs!
Even The Baptizer John laughs!

The Bitches in line start to become distracted from The Fuck™.
The Messengers' will has wavered.
The Bitches look to the east.
The sun sets.

Yes Bitches, it will be dark tonite.
An element of  The Fuck™.
The Messenger has been fazed,
Not yet destroyed.

BUT, with the power of Judas at my side,
I will put a dollar in The Messengers' mouth,
Pull down on his mincy balls,
And pluck The Fuck™ from his narrow indented chest when it pops out.

Then ALL YOU BITCHES are mine!

Ahhhhhhha ha ha {maniacal laugh} ahhhhh ha!

Can I get some Love, O Judas!?

Hallelujah Bitches!





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Blandscape

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Atom vs Everyone <MATCH THREAD> <DECISION>
« Reply #42 on: September 15, 2016, 03:38:03 PM »

Holy louping fuck, wtf is this?

A post humping thread where the mighty atom agrees with nearly anyone, and a fuck Flick posting what I can only assume is the poetry of failure.
Now that his ability to create stanza is in doubt, I imagine he will be buried arse deep in peanut shells while attempting to strike a chord by learning C, A, and G on the outa tune acoustic guitar with the three strings, his mom bought him at a car-boot sale last year.

#The lyrics to his brilliance are already written.

Oh, and just for future ref, Breakpoint is Casket. We all know that, right?
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Atom vs Everyone <MATCH THREAD> <DECISION>
« Reply #43 on: September 15, 2016, 03:41:30 PM »

Where the fuck is Foxy, have you fucking no-marks managed to scare off even more talent?

Cue your logic.
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Atom vs Everyone <MATCH THREAD> <DECISION>
« Reply #44 on: September 15, 2016, 11:42:08 PM »



[A Bitch said], “Master, [why are you laughing at us]?”

[Judas] answered [and said], “I am not laughing [at you] but at the error of the stars, because these six stars wander about with these five combatants, and they all will be destroyed along with their creatures."
-Gospel of Judas

Bitches always act like Bitches.
-Book of Snoop

Holy louping fuck, wtf is this?

A post humping thread where the mighty atom agrees with nearly anyone, and a fuck Flick posting what I can only assume is the poetry of failure.
Now that his ability to create stanza is in doubt, I imagine he will be buried arse deep in peanut shells while attempting to strike a chord by learning C, A, and G on the outa tune acoustic guitar with the three strings, his mom bought him at a car-boot sale last year.

#The lyrics to his brilliance are already written.

Oh, and just for future ref, Breakpoint is Casket. We all know that, right?

And behold,
Judas has presented a gift!

I now have my first Bitch-

He looks worn out though.
Tired. Lost. Ashen faced from too much masturbation.
His lipstick stained mouth stretched into a perpetual grimace.
This Bitch looks Bland.

I will name my first Bitch:
BEnzo'sBitchBlandscape or B cubed for short.

I will assign him his first task:
Go tell MoldyFoxBalls to in turn tell Caskur a match can be held here without hers,
Or yours for that matter, useless fucking spam posts in a match thread.

I will admonish him as my Bitch also for the first time:
If you think Breakpoint is Cackler you're sniffin' glue.

I will now dismiss my new Bitch:
Piss-Off (like you took a piss on this match Monday(Judas frowns on unreliability))
Get me a cold beer too Bitch! Not one of those stuck up your ass warm ales.

I think I will trade this Bitch in with The Messenger for another at first opportunity-

O Judas, can I get a first Bitch win accolade?

Hallelujah!
Logged

atom

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Atom vs Everyone <MATCH THREAD> <DECISION>
« Reply #45 on: September 16, 2016, 02:52:43 AM »


[A Bitch said], “Master, [why are you laughing at us]?”



And verily I say unto thee, O bitch, that through the electronic wilderness runs a dark path, and it is called The Fuck™, the way of righteous vengeance; the bitch shall not travel the path of The Fuck™, but it shall be for those for those who hear the silent voice that is the unholy spirit of The Fuck™. Yea, In truth I testify there shall be suffered no bitch upon that straight and narrow path!

Amen
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All truth passes through three stages. First it is ridiculed. Second it is violently opposed. Third it is accepted as being self-evident --Schopenhauer

atom

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Atom vs Everyone <MATCH THREAD> <DECISION>
« Reply #46 on: September 16, 2016, 03:02:15 AM »

 
BUT, with the power of Judas at my side,
I will put a dollar in The Messengers' mouth,
Pull down on his mincy balls,
And pluck The Fuck™ from his narrow indented chest when it pops out.



Oh cold, cold  Fuck™, set up thine altar here, for this is thy dominion!  It is not that the hand of The Messenger is heavy and will fall down on the bitch when released; it is not that the heart of The Messenger is still and dead; but that the hand of The Messenger points at the bitch and judgement is passed. . .and The Messenger smiles, for the bitch hath no Fuck™ and The Fuck™ hath no bitch.

Amen

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All truth passes through three stages. First it is ridiculed. Second it is violently opposed. Third it is accepted as being self-evident --Schopenhauer

atom

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Atom vs Everyone <MATCH THREAD> <DECISION>
« Reply #47 on: September 16, 2016, 03:09:09 AM »

   
My path is clear.


Rise, O Bitch!
Awake, and reject not The Messenger!
Hide not thy face from the light of The Fuck™.
Deny thy bitchery no longer!
Judgement hath been passed.

Go forth and bitch no more. . .

Amen
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All truth passes through three stages. First it is ridiculed. Second it is violently opposed. Third it is accepted as being self-evident --Schopenhauer

atom

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Atom vs Everyone <MATCH THREAD> <DECISION>
« Reply #48 on: September 16, 2016, 03:11:50 AM »


. . .where the mighty atom agrees with nearly anyone,

I think we can all agree you're a bitch.

So you're right.

Amen

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All truth passes through three stages. First it is ridiculed. Second it is violently opposed. Third it is accepted as being self-evident --Schopenhauer

atom

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Atom vs Everyone <MATCH THREAD> <DECISION>
« Reply #49 on: September 16, 2016, 03:58:24 AM »

SUMMARY: DAY 4

The preacher opens the door and looks out on the chapel. 
Most of the seats are empty.  He sighs.

Where are all the bitches? 

To the pulpit.  The sermon awaits.  A fine sermon.  He is well-prepared.
He stands tall.  He looks out upon the mostly-empty pews.

An eager young man in the front row.
He idolizes the preacher.  Maybe too much.
It makes one wonder.  And the pink bow tie?

And there in the back.
Is that fool wearing pants?
The preacher doesn't really want to know.

The sermon awaits.  Pages of neatly-written notes.
The preacher draws his breath.  Looks out at the two bitches.

Looks at the notes.  Looks at the bitches.
Looks at the notes.  Looks at the bitches.

The preacher ponders. His head hurts.
Too much to drink.  Demon alcohol!
He reaches a quick decision.

Fuck it.  He'll just read straight from the book.
Do so few bitches really deserve so much?

The preacher smiles. His eyes are cold.

The bitches pay attention.

Amen

Logged
All truth passes through three stages. First it is ridiculed. Second it is violently opposed. Third it is accepted as being self-evident --Schopenhauer

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Atom vs Everyone <MATCH THREAD> <DECISION>
« Reply #50 on: September 16, 2016, 10:31:45 AM »

"Look, you have been told everything. Lift up your eyes and look at the cloud and the light within it and the stars surrounding it. The star that leads the way is your star.”
-Gospel of Judas.

"Everybody's A bitch."
-Book of Snoop

Rise, O Bitch!
Awake, and reject not The Messenger!
Hide not thy face from the light of The Fuck™.
Deny thy bitchery no longer!
Judgement hath been passed.

Go forth and bitch no more. . .

Amen

O Judas, give me a sign?

"Fuck you bitch, I'm out." I heard

O Messenger, you have shown me the true path. I will serve loyally at your side  and The Fuck™ Will be spread far and wide.

For I am a disciple of The Fuck™.

Amen

Logged

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Atom vs Everyone <MATCH THREAD> <DECISION>
« Reply #51 on: September 17, 2016, 12:10:54 AM »

This match has ended.

Judges are Vixen, Sum Cun`t, and Feral.

Judges should send their decisions in to me via PM within two days.
Logged

Quote from: Cardtrick

I suspect that the three x-men between them couldn't handle even OBI in a match.
That would be interesting - Obi vs. Oranje, LoCo and Duke.

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Atom vs Everyone <MATCH THREAD> <DECISION>
« Reply #52 on: September 19, 2016, 07:41:34 AM »

The Decisions:

"...with the lights out its less dangerous, here we are now - entertain us..."
Kurt "I think its blocked" Cobain - "Smells like teen spirit"



After a slow start to the proceedings (which included twenty-five hours of vacuum packed utter silence) it was a welcome relief to see that there were at least some people willing to front for the purposes of making their mark. Even if one of the first cabs off the rank was Breakpoint's invitation to Atom to join in what I can only imagine was some kind of latter day spandex clad Justice League Unlimited taskforce designed to rid us of vaginal connoisseurs so that bronies and marsupial fetishists alike might frolic amidst the forums while discussing nigger nomenclature and trailer park accommodation like a bunch of faux intellectual drugfucked yuppie wannabes. At least that's what I took away from the first page, not one of the more promising starts to a one-man-versus-every-bitch showcase that I've seen, but early days yet and plenty of time to shift gears into something rivetting.


On to page two. See John Lydon's meningital stare staring back up at me. Cool, at least its not Michael Stipe or Neil fucking Young wailing out of the laptop at me, with all the whining going on about niggers in the thread a solid dose of shiny happy autists rocking in a Flea world would be enough to do anyone's head in I imagine. Lemon to the rescue with three posts about weiners and suddenly the thread is headed in a direction more conducive to entertainment (namely smutty innuendo). Wet Wanky Willy managed to get a smile from yours truly when he namechecked Peppermint Patty as being the first bulldyke on TV. Incorrectly as it turns out, the Bitches of Bilitis had already pipped Peanuts at the post by a matter of three years or so, but that's a story for another day. Preferably a day where there's plenty of dental floss to remove the inevitably pubic hairs that are sure to get lodged inbetween the molars.


BEnzo put in an appearance and for me this is where the match got interesting. True, there wasn't any overt antagonism between him and Atom, but that's not necessarily a dealbreaker in a callout. More seasoned affecionados will recall times where the focus was more on entertaining posts than who was getting destroyed and happily there wasn't that much in the way of spam filler to muddy the back and forth between these two wordsmiths about missionary work for The Fuck™ with jst the back to back skirl of some madman polesmoker with a set of bagpipes stuffed up his clack braying to the world about his predicament. Dispatched adequately by both BEnzo and Atom before the curtain call by TWAP. Thank fuck for that extra day, the match would have been all the poorer without it.


So... to which victor go the spoils? Mindful of the nature of the match (one against many) I am inclined to assign individual entertainment rankings to all who participated, averaging the results of everyone who isn't Atom to determine the "everyone" score.


Atom
First out of the gate on this little soiree, managed to remain amiable for the most part and delivered a few worthy and entertaining scrollbombs. I could hear the inimitable brother's voice extolling the gospel when he finally got his spinnaker up and the 60% I'm awarding on the Naught To Fucken Hilarious scale of cun`Tly excellence ought to reflect less on the Brother's efforts and more as a standard to which the others must rise to.


Breakpoint
Points for fronting but its not the best writing I've seen from Skinhead Skippy the Fascist Kangaroo. Lacklustre amd Unfocused, sadly failing to exploit the usual fare to comedic effect. Time Beakerpoint channeled his inner Jim Jefferies and left the Steady Eddy style delivery to perennially concussed and bewildered retards like Prowliepoos who have an excuse for being that way. 40%... at least 5% of which is because of that videoclip he posted.


Lemon
Nice weiners. Next time bring enough for the whole class. 45%


Wet Willy
The occasional flash of brilliance was well and truly overshadowed by the usual modus operandi of making retardedly bogus claims and beating them to death with fistfuls of limp noodles. Yawnafuckarama grandpa... 33 & 1/3rd%... and don't say I never give you nothing you boringass shitstabber.


BEnzo
Nailing Atom's shtick to surprising effect and while not eclipsing absolutely every last sermon that Brother Atom offered up, certainly delivered a consistency that Atom was unable to match over the course of the match. 74% and an elephant smiley stamp to you, my son.


Forum Cocksucker (Blandscape)
WHy the fuck did did this bitch waste the site's bandwidth when he could have been petitioning Sinister for his balls back? 10%... and a voucher for some whoremoan replacement therapy, fuxake...


So... Everyone = ( 40 + 45 + 33.33 + 74 + 10 ) / 5 = 40.466%


versus Atom.... 60%


Blessed be the Brother of The Fuck™ and sincerest condolences to BEnzo for finding himself on a side where far too many of his team mates seemed hell bent on losing the match on the back of a tsunami of shit. Thank you linesmen, thank you bawl bois.



sc`T
18th Sept 2016



Judge cun'T votes for Atom

Winner: Atom

Reason: Non contest. Contributed the most.



Judge Vixen votes for Atom

Atom's posts are typical Atom posts and while they are very good, I was personally impressed with how Benzo posted back to Atom in response.

I'm torn between the two.

Is it possible at all to put forth to Atom and Benzo to submit 2 more posts each to see which one dominates?




Judge Feral calls it a draw


The winner is therefore declared to be:

Atom




Logged

Quote from: Cardtrick

I suspect that the three x-men between them couldn't handle even OBI in a match.
That would be interesting - Obi vs. Oranje, LoCo and Duke.
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