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Author Topic: A friend of mine..  (Read 768 times)

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feralTopic starter

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A friend of mine..
« on: November 28, 2017, 06:32:32 AM »

..has been in a relationship with a guy for 2 years.

Due to their work schedule they get to see each other not that often but they have clearly made it work for the past 2 years.

They live separately.

The guy has a friend, who is a woman, and they socialise in the same group of friends, they have been friends for about 5 years.

Prior to my friend getting involved with this guy...the guy and this woman friend shared a kiss. He said it never meant nothing and it was like kissing his sister.

Recently this woman broke up with her boyfriend and turned to my friends guy asking if she could stay with him until she worked her shit out.

( bare in my mind she has a vacant house up for sale and she doesn't want to move into it )

My question is:

Is it unreasonable for my friend to feel threatened by this woman moving in with her guy?

When:

1. They shared a kiss in the past..which indicates an attraction in the first place.

2. My friend and her guy don't see each other that often to seal the intimacy deal on a regular basis.

3. This woman has a vacant house up for sale, that she could move into, instead of moving in with my friends guy.

4. There is no time frame set on how long this woman is going to stay at my friends guys place.


Thoughts?

Personally, I think it looks like a midnight recipe for morning regrets..
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #1 on: November 28, 2017, 07:09:56 AM »

..has been in a relationship with a guy for 2 years.

Due to their work schedule they get to see each other not that often but they have clearly made it work for the past 2 years.

They live separately.

The guy has a friend, who is a woman, and they socialise in the same group of friends, they have been friends for about 5 years.

Prior to my friend getting involved with this guy...the guy and this woman friend shared a kiss. He said it never meant nothing and it was like kissing his sister.

Recently this woman broke up with her boyfriend and turned to my friends guy asking if she could stay with him until she worked her shit out.

( bare in my mind she has a vacant house up for sale and she doesn't want to move into it )

My question is:

Is it unreasonable for my friend to feel threatened by this woman moving in with her guy?

When:

1. They shared a kiss in the past..which indicates an attraction in the first place.

2. My friend and her guy don't see each other that often to seal the intimacy deal on a regular basis.

3. This woman has a vacant house up for sale, that she could move into, instead of moving in with my friends guy.

4. There is no time frame set on how long this woman is going to stay at my friends guys place.


Thoughts?

Personally, I think it looks like a midnight recipe for morning regrets..

If he lets the woman move in with him, your friend should stop seeing him and look for new opportunities right away.  Cut all ambiguity right out. No hesitation.
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #2 on: November 28, 2017, 07:16:34 AM »

..has been in a relationship with a guy for 2 years.

Due to their work schedule they get to see each other not that often but they have clearly made it work for the past 2 years.

They live separately.

The guy has a friend, who is a woman, and they socialise in the same group of friends, they have been friends for about 5 years.

Prior to my friend getting involved with this guy...the guy and this woman friend shared a kiss. He said it never meant nothing and it was like kissing his sister.

Recently this woman broke up with her boyfriend and turned to my friends guy asking if she could stay with him until she worked her shit out.

( bare in my mind she has a vacant house up for sale and she doesn't want to move into it )

My question is:

Is it unreasonable for my friend to feel threatened by this woman moving in with her guy?

When:

1. They shared a kiss in the past..which indicates an attraction in the first place.

2. My friend and her guy don't see each other that often to seal the intimacy deal on a regular basis.

3. This woman has a vacant house up for sale, that she could move into, instead of moving in with my friends guy.

4. There is no time frame set on how long this woman is going to stay at my friends guys place.


Thoughts?

Personally, I think it looks like a midnight recipe for morning regrets..

Depends on how much he loves your friend and what his idea of friend code is.

Has she got her property up for sale or under a current lease?
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #3 on: November 28, 2017, 08:31:25 AM »

If he lets the woman move in with him, your friend should stop seeing him and look for new opportunities right away.  Cut all ambiguity right out. No hesitation.

That was my initial thought as well..

However, my friend doesn't want to come across as overreacting and wants to give the situation the benefit of the doubt..

When you read the initial post..what was your gut instinct?...Meaning do you think that with this woman moving in with my friends guy, could be inviting something to happen to between them?


Depends on how much he loves your friend and what his idea of friend code is.

They've been together for 2years..and he dropped the "L" word ( I love you ) when his dad died and she was there for support. My friend never said it back..and figured he only said it cause he was in a vulnerable state with his dad passing away.

He's the type of guy who will leave his key in the letterbox for any one of his mates who needs a place to stay.

Quote
Has she got her property up for sale or under a current lease?

It's vacant and up for sale.
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #4 on: November 28, 2017, 11:36:48 AM »

That was my initial thought as well..

However, my friend doesn't want to come across as overreacting and wants to give the situation the benefit of the doubt..

When you read the initial post..what was your gut instinct?...Meaning do you think that with this woman moving in with my friends guy, could be inviting something to happen to between them?


They've been together for 2years..and he dropped the "L" word ( I love you ) when his dad died and she was there for support. My friend never said it back..and figured he only said it cause he was in a vulnerable state with his dad passing away.

He's the type of guy who will leave his key in the letterbox for any one of his mates who needs a place to stay.

It's vacant and up for sale.

Well, your friend seems lukewarm on him, so it remains with her and what she wants with him. Exclusive relationship?  No women moving in, or she goes elsewhere. Doesn’t want exclusive relationship?  Don’t make any demands either way.  It’s his thing. 

My whole thing is it doesn’t matter IF something happens, but that the door is open for that at his house. 
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #5 on: November 28, 2017, 09:11:11 PM »

Or just have a big orgy and video the hole thing.  :rotf:
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #6 on: November 29, 2017, 03:44:19 AM »

LOL!


They have an exclusive relationship. They just don't get to see each other as much as they would like, due to work commitments.

I think it is possible for two people of the opposite sex to be friends, IF both people are in relationships with other people.

If both are single, or if one is single and the other is in a relationship...things could happen unintentionally..
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #7 on: November 29, 2017, 05:47:05 AM »

Relationships should be built on trust....so I'd lean towards trusting him unless there is something he's done before which broke or harmed that trust.

Making an issue out of his kindness (and from what you've said, he's a kind person), could backfire on your friend. I get her uneasyness about it though... don't blame her for feeling how she does.
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #8 on: December 02, 2017, 08:40:11 AM »

Update..

My friend confronted her boyfriend and it turns out he's a typical male that doesn't think things through before doing it.

He apologised for not having the discussion with my friend about this female moving in with him, as it should of been a joint discussion and decision.

He apologised for not being more aware of how this would effect my friend and their relationship.

He has given his friend a time frame with moving out and getting her own place.

Wether all this actually takes place or not is yet to be seen.






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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #9 on: December 02, 2017, 10:04:34 AM »

So he backed down because she had issues of trust with him or men in general? He's almost too kind.
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #10 on: December 02, 2017, 10:10:43 AM »

Men and women can't be friends if they are young ,attractive and straight

period
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #11 on: December 02, 2017, 10:13:34 AM »

Men and women can't be friends if they are young ,attractive and straight

period

Not true.
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #12 on: December 02, 2017, 10:21:47 AM »

Not true.

I followed that rule in life and never regretted
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #13 on: December 02, 2017, 10:36:45 AM »

..has been in a relationship with a guy for 2 years.

Due to their work schedule they get to see each other not that often but they have clearly made it work for the past 2 years.

They live separately.

The guy has a friend, who is a woman, and they socialise in the same group of friends, they have been friends for about 5 years.

Prior to my friend getting involved with this guy...the guy and this woman friend shared a kiss. He said it never meant nothing and it was like kissing his sister.

Recently this woman broke up with her boyfriend and turned to my friends guy asking if she could stay with him until she worked her shit out.

( bare in my mind she has a vacant house up for sale and she doesn't want to move into it )

My question is:

Is it unreasonable for my friend to feel threatened by this woman moving in with her guy?

When:

1. They shared a kiss in the past..which indicates an attraction in the first place.

2. My friend and her guy don't see each other that often to seal the intimacy deal on a regular basis.

3. This woman has a vacant house up for sale, that she could move into, instead of moving in with my friends guy.

4. There is no time frame set on how long this woman is going to stay at my friends guys place.


Thoughts?

Personally, I think it looks like a midnight recipe for morning regrets..


I don't think it's unreasonable for your friend to feel uneasy about the situation; there is history between him and his female friend.  She was right to confront him. I think the test for them both (moving forward) will be trust.
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #14 on: December 02, 2017, 10:37:05 AM »

Men and women can't be friends if they are young ,attractive and straight

period

Many realize they are not each other’s type, and they CAN be friends.
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #15 on: December 02, 2017, 10:40:07 AM »

Many realize they are not each other’s type, and they CAN be friends.

Yeah well, I've heard from someone when I was young

"Girls with too many male friends are troublesome"

I've seen truth to that countless times.
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #16 on: December 02, 2017, 10:44:22 AM »

Yeah well, I've heard from someone when I was young

"Girls with too many male friends are troublesome"

I've seen truth to that countless times.

And guys with too many female friends?
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #17 on: December 02, 2017, 11:02:18 AM »

I followed that rule in life and never regretted

More a rule applicable to latinos. Never ran into trouble with making bonafide friendships with the opposite sex except with latinas. The culture and mindset is too traditional but slowly changing.
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #18 on: December 02, 2017, 11:12:00 AM »

And guys with too many female friends?

Same shit
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #19 on: December 03, 2017, 04:51:12 AM »

So he backed down because she had issues of trust with him or men in general? He's almost too kind.

Nah he backed down cause he listened to what she had to say about the situation and then agreed she had brought up some good points, which he never thought to ask his female friend before agreeing for her to move in with him.

This has nothing to do with trust, as she obviously trusts him, considering they can go for a good month or two without being intimate, due to location and their work commitments, and they still have managed to make it work for 2+ years.

My friend has even said she feels bad for putting her foot down on this situation, however it needs to be said and needs to be done, cause it simply isn't right for this woman to be living with her boyfriend.

This woman is 40 years old, with a vacant house up for sale, and she has a job. There is no logical reason for her to be smooching off my friends boyfriend with wanting a place to stay rent free, using his electricity, his internet, hot water etc..when she can move into her own vacant home.


The other night my friend was on the phone to her boyfriend, and he went out on to his verandah to take the call, my friend said to him " are you whispering and outside talking to me cause " she's " there ?

He said yeh..

My friend said to him " that makes me feel like I'm the " other woman " instead of your girlfriend.

Apparently he was " shocked " by this and felt really bad that he had made my friend feel this way.

My friend then said to him, the situation is already making things uncomfortable and different between them and his friend needs to have an exit date.


The date has been set for 31st Dec for her to move out.
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #20 on: December 03, 2017, 05:24:00 AM »

"Girls with too many male friends are troublesome"

I've seen truth to that countless times.

Society looks at girls with too many guy friends as either being:

A. Sluts

B. Cannot relate to women and have not been able to do that all their life.

C. Are lesbians who have not outed themselves and prefer male company.

D. All of the above.

If a guy has too many female friends he's considered either a homosexual or a stud.

If a female has too many guy friends she's considered all the above.

Only difference being women are still branded as sluts and males are branded as studs.

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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #21 on: December 05, 2017, 12:13:57 AM »

I am so glad of the trust my fiancee and I have in each other. As in both of us are comfortable enough in our relationship that either of us are trusted enough to associate with members of the opposite sex without infidelity or suspicion creeping into the equation.
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #22 on: December 07, 2017, 05:37:28 PM »

 :snack:
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #23 on: December 07, 2017, 05:46:55 PM »

I am so glad of the trust my fiancee and I have in each other. As in both of us are comfortable enough in our relationship that either of us are trusted enough to associate with members of the opposite sex without infidelity or suspicion creeping into the equation.

  :lmao:
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #24 on: January 04, 2018, 07:29:19 AM »

So..the 31st Dec went past and this woman is still living with my friends BF.

My friend confronted her BF about it:


So basically he is allowing her to stay as long as she needs to but told her she needs to be out sooner rather than later.
Her agent is trying to find the tenants somewhere else to live so she can move back to her place but she very well could be there until end of Feb worst case scenario.  He said he can't and won't just kick her to the kirb.
So basically I've got to suck it up and accept that she is there and there is nothing between them which i know there isn't. 

I told him  he needs to communicate with me more and tell me what's going on so i know and i got the shits with him again telling him that he needs to share and tell me what he is feeling.

He also said he's never had to share how he's feeling before and it's all new to him and he apologised and said he'd work on it.  This was after i got the shits again at him for telling his female friend that i was upset with him that she was still there.  I blew my stack at him for talking to her about us and the situation that i told him originally i didn't want him talking to her about.

All in all i said to him i needed him to be honest that if he had intended for her to stay as long as she needed to he should have told me up front that he wasn't going to kick her out at xmas. I told him thats what pissed me off the most its like i felt lied to and like i was being put second.

 I feel defeated and know that if i say anything more it will start another fight.  He isn't going to change his mind or values as to letting her stay.  I'm starting to think the issues are mine and I've over reacted.  I think i shouldn't have said anything and i said as much to him and look where it got us.
He has apologised for upsetting me and not sharing how he feels. It's his house he can do what he wants.



Ok..so my friend has relented and accepted the situation...and somehow has convinced herself that it was her fault.

Then this happened.


Monday 1st Jan 2018

Fucking lying cunt says he's having a few quiet drinks at home with the two girls for new years.  Ends up drinking a half bottle of Kraken and everything else he drank before that. 
Goes into the valley with them after saying before hand he doesn't want to go out and definitely not to the valley if they do and if they wanted to go there he wouldn't go with them. But he goes anyway.  Got home around 4am this morning after drinking fuck knows how much more.  Fucking drunk as who knows fuck.
Says to me last night we'd do something today as he'd like to see me and spend some time with me on new years and we'd meet after i finish work.  Well he has a fucking hang over and only just woken up and says he might want to do something but will let me know later!


My friend then asks me:

Am i being a psycho pms bitch or am i in my right to be pissed off that he goes and gets pissed with her lets her stay as long as she wants doesn't keep plans with me and lies about what the fuck he has planned and does the complete opposite thing he says he's going to do?  FARK!

I told her she wasnt psycho and thank God she lives on the opposite side of the city to him. Told her also I would  of planned 5min ago with how to torch his place with them both in it.

Also told her you have to do whats best for you. You can either put up with it or not..I asked her how did she react to him...as in telling him...how she felt about him going out with these two women?



  I asked him via text how last night ended up and what he did and he said it was a big one I asked what he meant etc and that's when he said he went out and of course i asked further questions and he said he had a hang over etc. I had to ask him and pussy foot around it all so it didn't sound like i was interrogating him.  That's when i just flat out said and asked if he was still wanting to do something and he was like i want to but maybe later I'm so hung over.  I told him not to bother and that I'd see him at some point this year.  From that i haven't heard from him since.
All i can think of right now is he spent the fucking night with her and she is back there with him now spending more time together with her sharing their hangovers together when he was supposed to be here with me. 

The old me would have been well fuck you cunt if you want to be with her then be with her for good cause you're not with me anymore so fuck off.

Me now is like it's not worth the effort and i can keep my distance because I'm not living with him but come the time when he is ready to move in, i sure as fuck are going to make sure i am before i commit to anything.  Right now no i would not move in with him because of the way he acts so i guess in a way he has to prove to me that he is worth moving in with.  Right now he isn't.


I let her vent..

3 days later I asked my friend how is she and her BF doing?


Yeah we're ok. I'm just doing my own thing and he asked if he could come over yesterday.. He came over, was going to spend the day with me and xxxx ( my friends daughter)  but i told him he'd be bored so he went home to do stuff. He's coming back over tonight. I honesty think he has good intentions but he's just a bit of an idiot sometimes.

Will never...NEVER for the life of me understand why women settle for men who are toxic in their life..
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #25 on: January 08, 2018, 01:40:22 PM »

Who is the more toxic one there?

He's a bit of a dope for not getting early on how much it bothered her but she's also at fault for putting him in a position where he had to either surrender his values to placate her jealousy or chuck someone out on the street.

Change the positions up a little and imagine a number of years down the road and their relationship not working out as both intended for whatever reasons. He and she are in the same house until it's sold or one them can find alternate accommodation. But he or she has met someone outside and that person has a huge issue with the arrangement.

Would your friend chuck him out if she could in that scenario? Would she expect him to let her stay until she found somewhere else in another scenario?

Being nice isn't a bad thing. Being taken advantage of isn't kosher but doing your best by someone else is a feather in his cap and she should love and trust him for it, or let him free.

Most well meaning men aren't jealous sorts and don't get jealous themselves.

Your friend could be pushing him away with her behaviour.


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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #26 on: January 08, 2018, 03:19:09 PM »

I am so glad of the trust my fiancee and I have in each other. As in both of us are comfortable enough in our relationship that either of us are trusted enough to associate with members of the opposite sex without infidelity or suspicion creeping into the equation.

Yer both probably fugly
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #27 on: January 08, 2018, 05:01:18 PM »

anyone who spends New Years Eve/day with their live in ''room mate''/''sort of former romantic interest'' and not their significant other, is waving a red flag.
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #28 on: January 08, 2018, 10:18:22 PM »

Yer both probably fugly

That is my favorite post from this forum.  🤣
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #29 on: January 08, 2018, 10:56:30 PM »

look at that shit, smileys are working as they should again
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #30 on: January 08, 2018, 11:33:50 PM »

anyone who spends New Years Eve/day with their live in ''room mate''/''sort of former romantic interest'' and not their significant other, is waving a red flag.

^^^ This is why you're often single.
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #31 on: January 09, 2018, 08:28:05 AM »

Who is the more toxic one there?

He's a bit of a dope for not getting early on how much it bothered her but she's also at fault for putting him in a position where he had to either surrender his values to placate her jealousy or chuck someone out on the street.

My friend has never been jealous of the arrangement.

My friend knows her BF has been friends with this woman for a decade.

You also forget this woman has a vacant house up for sale that she could easily move  in to at any time.

Quote
Change the positions up a little and imagine a number of years down the road and their relationship not working out as both intended for whatever reasons. He and she are in the same house until it's sold or one them can find alternate accommodation. But he or she has met someone outside and that person has a huge issue with the arrangement.

Would your friend chuck him out if she could in that scenario? Would she expect him to let her stay until she found somewhere else in another scenario?

The above scenario is not only based on a hypothetical scenario it's different to the current one and is irrelevant.

But ok..I'll play the hypothetical game.

My friend owns her own home, and she has one child.

She has already lost one house that she fully paid for, when her and child's father separated, with him getting far more than he was entitled to with the selling of the house.

If her BF ever moved in with her and things went sour, he would be the one moving out, regardless of his financial position. The house belongs to her. Her priority is her child.

Quote
Being nice isn't a bad thing. Being taken advantage of isn't kosher but doing your best by someone else is a feather in his cap and she should love and trust him for it, or let him free.

I'm confused as to why you think my friend is jealous of this other woman.

There is no jealousy there.

All there is..is an injustice of how he puts his female friend of a decade, above my friend and their relationship.

Quote
Your friend could be pushing him away with her behaviour.

Her behaviour being what exactly?

- expecting a phone call to say that plans have changed?

- expecting her BF to be considerate enough to not let his actions the night before ruin the next day they had planned to be together?

- my friend expecting her BF to not discuss their relationship with this woman who lives with him?

- my friend expecting a discussion between herself and her BF of 2 + years about a woman who he kissed years ago, moving in with him BEFORE she did.

- my friend being told by her BF that this woman has a deadline with finding her own place - and then when it doesn't happen, my friend gets pretty much told " too bad how sad I can't kick her out - deal with it .

Yeh right, my friends a real cunt for wanting common courtesy in a relationship.



anyone who spends New Years Eve/day with their live in ''room mate''/''sort of former romantic interest'' and not their significant other, is waving a red flag.

Agreed.


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Vixen

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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #32 on: January 09, 2018, 10:16:41 AM »

^^^ This is why you're often single.

You don't know anything about my marital status.
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #33 on: January 09, 2018, 10:46:15 AM »

You don't anything about my marital status.

It's pretty obvious that you're more often than not single.
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #34 on: January 10, 2018, 07:21:12 AM »

How one comes to ^ that conclusion over the net is a bit of a mystery.
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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #35 on: January 10, 2018, 08:12:26 PM »

I'm good.  :lol:
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rancidmilko

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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #36 on: January 10, 2018, 09:57:48 PM »

Now we can all know this thread is bullshit since the beginning cuz we all know feraw has no friends

but us
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feralTopic starter

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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #37 on: January 11, 2018, 05:12:35 AM »

Now we can all know this thread is bullshit since the beginning cuz we all know feraw has no friends

but us

With the letter W and L being distances apart on a keyboard/keypad and you screw up with spelling feral..it's safe to say you're posting drunk.




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rancidmilko

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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #38 on: January 11, 2018, 09:38:59 AM »

With the letter W and L being distances apart on a keyboard/keypad and you screw up with spelling feral..it's safe to say you're posting drunk.






It was on porpoise

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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #39 on: January 11, 2018, 02:20:47 PM »

Nah he backed down cause he listened to what she had to say about the situation and then agreed she had brought up some good points, which he never thought to ask his female friend before agreeing for her to move in with him.

This has nothing to do with trust, as she obviously trusts him, considering they can go for a good month or two without being intimate, due to location and their work commitments, and they still have managed to make it work for 2+ years.

My friend has even said she feels bad for putting her foot down on this situation, however it needs to be said and needs to be done, cause it simply isn't right for this woman to be living with her boyfriend.

This woman is 40 years old, with a vacant house up for sale, and she has a job. There is no logical reason for her to be smooching off my friends boyfriend with wanting a place to stay rent free, using his electricity, his internet, hot water etc..when she can move into her own vacant home.


The other night my friend was on the phone to her boyfriend, and he went out on to his verandah to take the call, my friend said to him " are you whispering and outside talking to me cause " she's " there ?

He said yeh..

My friend said to him " that makes me feel like I'm the " other woman " instead of your girlfriend.

Apparently he was " shocked " by this and felt really bad that he had made my friend feel this way.

My friend then said to him, the situation is already making things uncomfortable and different between them and his friend needs to have an exit date.


The date has been set for 31st Dec for her to move out.

If it’s too many question marks, drop it.
The end.
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feralTopic starter

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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #40 on: January 12, 2018, 04:31:35 AM »

If it’s too many question marks, drop it.
The end.

Drop the BF?

Couldn't agree more.

Where there's smoke there's fire.
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feralTopic starter

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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #41 on: January 30, 2018, 05:28:25 AM »

The woman finally moved out 2 weeks ago and my friends BF told my friend yesterday.

Why he didn't tell her sooner...is anyone's guess.
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feralTopic starter

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Re: A friend of mine..
« Reply #42 on: July 12, 2018, 10:50:57 AM »

Update..

( Not that anyone gives a shit..)

Their 3rd anniversary was yesterday.

Four days prior to said anniversay - he ended the relationship.


Moral of the story?

Respect each others needs, listen to what each other has to say and more importantly...

!
!
!
V




In the blink of an eye
Just a whisper of smoke
You could lose everything
The truth is you never know..


So I'll kiss you longer baby
Any chance that I get..
I'll make the most of the minutes
And love with no regrets..

I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you


- that is all.



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