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Did You Ever Wonder...
« on: February 11, 2018, 03:28:48 PM »

..how Johnny Storm got into the food services industry??

Probably not, but I'm gonna tell you anyway.

Most people don't know this, but Johnny was in the military. He went in right out high school, figuring that one he put his two years in the navy that  would qualify him for the "G.I. Bill", and he knew that if he wanted to succeed in life - I mean, REALLY succeed, he'd need a college degree.

Not that a degree would guarantee him a step up the ladder, but at least it would get his foot into the door. He heard Bil Cosby say that on television or somewhere.

Anyway, Johnny signed up and was shipped off to some gawd awful naval base that woulda been too good for the Tuskeegee airmen had they been swabbys, where his primary duties were to learn the difference between his rifle and his gun, which he fondled nightly, learning to swim (something darkies normally fail at), and how to salute with his right hand.

After six weeks of basic training - including how to properly wear boxers instead of briefs - he was given the opportunity to join the kitchen corps - but only after he was able to sing EVERY verse of The National Anthem. 

"Cool", he thought to himself, cuz he already knew how to cry and figured peeling onions would be a good cover. That, plus the fact that he couldn't hold the ass end of a mop up when he was on latrine duty, had to be a benefit.

Soon he was on potato detail, peeling up to 1000 of them a day to satisfy the hungry hordes. He didn't mind cuz he got first dibs on the collared greens before they started to get moldy in the heat at that base.

He was smart enough to avoid scurvy by scarfing down as many fruits before the master chef caught him.

Johnny learned a lot from his boss, like how to make bananas Foster without ice cream, how to put marbles in the captain's overhead, that sorta stuff...

But I digress...

This was his boss on that naval base, and Johnny figured he could beat that guys record by at least a second or too.


 
When The Military Times got wind of JS's rice making abilty, he was featured in an article, and the rest is history. And while Colonel Sanders was hoping to hire him, Arby's won out.

Johnny's secret sauce was so good, no way was KFC gonna get him.



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Quote from: Cardtrick

I suspect that the three x-men between them couldn't handle even OBI in a match.
That would be interesting - Obi vs. Oranje, LoCo and Duke.

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Re: Did You Ever Wonder...
« Reply #1 on: February 11, 2018, 03:42:40 PM »

Did you write this, TWAP?  :grin:
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Re: Did You Ever Wonder...
« Reply #2 on: February 11, 2018, 04:06:17 PM »

..how Johnny Storm got into the food services industry??

Probably not, but I'm gonna tell you anyway.

Most people don't know this, but Johnny was in the military. He went in right out high school, figuring that one he put his two years in the navy that  would qualify him for the "G.I. Bill", and he knew that if he wanted to succeed in life - I mean, REALLY succeed, he'd need a college degree.

Not that a degree would guarantee him a step up the ladder, but at least it would get his foot into the door. He heard Bil Cosby say that on television or somewhere.

Anyway, Johnny signed up and was shipped off to some gawd awful naval base that woulda been too good for the Tuskeegee airmen had they been swabbys, where his primary duties were to learn the difference between his rifle and his gun, which he fondled nightly, learning to swim (something darkies normally fail at), and how to salute with his right hand.

After six weeks of basic training - including how to properly wear boxers instead of briefs - he was given the opportunity to join the kitchen corps - but only after he was able to sing EVERY verse of The National Anthem. 

"Cool", he thought to himself, cuz he already knew how to cry and figured peeling onions would be a good cover. That, plus the fact that he couldn't hold the ass end of a mop up when he was on latrine duty, had to be a benefit.

Soon he was on potato detail, peeling up to 1000 of them a day to satisfy the hungry hordes. He didn't mind cuz he got first dibs on the collared greens before they started to get moldy in the heat at that base.

He was smart enough to avoid scurvy by scarfing down as many fruits before the master chef caught him.

Johnny learned a lot from his boss, like how to make bananas Foster without ice cream, how to put marbles in the captain's overhead, that sorta stuff...

But I digress...

This was his boss on that naval base, and Johnny figured he could be that guys record by at least a second or too.
 
When The Military Times got wind of JS's rice making abilty, he was featured in an article, and the rest is history. And while Colonel Sanders was hoping to hire him, Arby's won out.

Johnny's secret sauce was so good, no way was KFC gonna get him.

Jesus fuck Obi, there are days of the week you are lucid and really do get it right. That was worth reading.
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Re: Did You Ever Wonder...
« Reply #3 on: February 11, 2018, 04:28:09 PM »

Did you write this, TWAP?  :grin:

I typed it.
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Quote from: Cardtrick

I suspect that the three x-men between them couldn't handle even OBI in a match.
That would be interesting - Obi vs. Oranje, LoCo and Duke.

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Re: Did You Ever Wonder...
« Reply #4 on: February 11, 2018, 04:29:08 PM »

Jesus fuck Obi, there are days of the week you are lucid and really do get it right. That was worth reading.

You're welcome.

Just warming up for the PYP event. If BRA1N ever gets around to promoting it.
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Quote from: Cardtrick

I suspect that the three x-men between them couldn't handle even OBI in a match.
That would be interesting - Obi vs. Oranje, LoCo and Duke.

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Re: Did You Ever Wonder...
« Reply #5 on: February 11, 2018, 06:56:59 PM »

I typed it.

I smell a ghost rider.  Giddy-uuuppp!!  :snick:
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Re: Did You Ever Wonder...
« Reply #6 on: February 11, 2018, 07:42:12 PM »

Meh. 
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Re: Did You Ever Wonder...
« Reply #7 on: February 11, 2018, 07:43:28 PM »

Anyways...not navy.  Hoowah!
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Quote from: lokmar on December 14, 2017, 07:10:27 PM
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Re: Did You Ever Wonder...
« Reply #8 on: February 11, 2018, 07:55:15 PM »

I smell a ghost rider.  Giddy-uuuppp!!  :snick:

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Quote from: Cardtrick

I suspect that the three x-men between them couldn't handle even OBI in a match.
That would be interesting - Obi vs. Oranje, LoCo and Duke.

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Re: Did You Ever Wonder...
« Reply #9 on: February 13, 2018, 07:20:27 PM »



A guy who is old enough to be his own grandpaw should not be looking for acid trip videos for his acid dropping.
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Re: Did You Ever Wonder...
« Reply #10 on: February 13, 2018, 09:51:39 PM »

A guy who is old enough to be his own grandpaw should not be looking for acid trip videos for his acid dropping.

Hey, you're the one that said that you smelled a ghost rider. See « Reply #5
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Quote from: Cardtrick

I suspect that the three x-men between them couldn't handle even OBI in a match.
That would be interesting - Obi vs. Oranje, LoCo and Duke.

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Re: Did You Ever Wonder...
« Reply #11 on: February 13, 2018, 10:56:03 PM »

Meanwhile, caskur has been spotted near a dumpster to find more ingredients for her next disasterpiece
http://www.foxnews.com/tech/2018/02/12/giant-pig-caught-on-camera-ravaging-garbage-bin-near-school-goes-viral.html
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your daily reality enema

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Re: Did You Ever Wonder...
« Reply #12 on: February 14, 2018, 12:44:22 AM »

Meanwhile, caskur has been spotted near a dumpster to find more ingredients for her next disasterpiece
http://www.foxnews.com/tech/2018/02/12/giant-pig-caught-on-camera-ravaging-garbage-bin-near-school-goes-viral.html


Oh, she was probably just digging for fresh rotting garbage to use in her chop comp against HCTrub.
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Re: Did You Ever Wonder...
« Reply #13 on: February 14, 2018, 01:31:12 AM »

Meanwhile, caskur has been spotted near a dumpster to find more ingredients for her next disasterpiece
http://www.foxnews.com/tech/2018/02/12/giant-pig-caught-on-camera-ravaging-garbage-bin-near-school-goes-viral.html


Funny, when I saw that story, I thought of you
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Re: Did You Ever Wonder...
« Reply #14 on: February 14, 2018, 01:32:23 AM »

Oh, she was probably just digging for fresh rotting garbage to use in her chop comp against HCTrub.
I haven't been anywhere near her malware-infested hovel as of late, so I wouldn't know. I don't feel like giving my computer digital ebola just to watch some sad display of a couple tryhards bore everybody to death.
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your daily reality enema

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Re: Did You Ever Wonder...
« Reply #15 on: February 14, 2018, 02:00:52 AM »

You're not missing much, I can assure you.  :grin:
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Bonesaw

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Re: Did You Ever Wonder...
« Reply #16 on: February 14, 2018, 02:07:22 AM »

You're not missing much, I can assure you.  :grin:

She's currently banning every combination of letters and special characters that could spell out sum cun`T.  I mean.... I hate to tell her that when she's done, I'm just going to start using one of the dozens of other nicks you've gone by over the years.

I told her I'd stop if she apologizes to everyone.
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your daily reality enema

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Re: Did You Ever Wonder...
« Reply #17 on: February 14, 2018, 02:32:26 AM »

That sounds like a whole lot of effort for no returns. Did anyone think to tell her that I left that nick behind years ago and that it's been people like her insisting on immortalizing it?


I'll admit, it was a good nick, but I've had plenty of those. Brady Bunch Lawnmower Massacre and Saint Bastard are two that spring immediately to mind.
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Johnny Storm

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Re: Did You Ever Wonder...
« Reply #18 on: February 14, 2018, 04:21:43 AM »

^^^the two vagina monologues ^^^
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Quote from: lokmar on December 14, 2017, 07:10:27 PM
I will take a straight kiddie fucker<*record scratch*>

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