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Author Topic: Jokes Jkes Jokes  (Read 74 times)

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John DickTopic starter

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Jokes Jkes Jokes
« on: March 22, 2018, 08:24:13 PM »

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Doctor: "Nine."

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John DickTopic starter

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Re: Jokes Jkes Jokes
« Reply #1 on: March 22, 2018, 08:25:14 PM »

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

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John DickTopic starter

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Re: Jokes Jkes Jokes
« Reply #2 on: March 22, 2018, 08:25:56 PM »

Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?"

Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"

Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"

Patrick: "What school?"

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John DickTopic starter

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Re: Jokes Jkes Jokes
« Reply #3 on: March 27, 2018, 08:57:24 PM »


Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.”

The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”

Man: “And that frees me from my sin?”

Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.”

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John DickTopic starter

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Re: Jokes Jkes Jokes
« Reply #4 on: March 27, 2018, 08:58:31 PM »

“My wife suffers from a drinking problem.”
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“Oh is she an alcoholic?”
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“No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers.”
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John DickTopic starter

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Re: Jokes Jkes Jokes
« Reply #5 on: March 27, 2018, 08:59:43 PM »

Harry prays to God: Dear Lord, please make me win the lottery.

The next day Harry begs the Lord again: Please make it so I win the lottery, Lord!

The next day, Harry again prays: Please, please, dear Lord, make me win the lottery!

Suddenly he hears a voice from above: Harry, would you kindly go and buy a lottery ticket.

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John DickTopic starter

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Re: Jokes Jkes Jokes
« Reply #6 on: March 29, 2018, 09:38:12 PM »

Two men are playing golf. One of them is about to take a swing when a funeral procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in contemplation.
 
His opponent comments: "That must be the most touching thing I’ve ever seen. You are a very feeling man." The man, recovering himself, replies, "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

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John DickTopic starter

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Re: Jokes Jkes Jokes
« Reply #7 on: March 29, 2018, 09:41:21 PM »

Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket!

Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops.

Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

"Oh welcome home darling," he says, "my parents came for a visit, so I let them have our bedroom. I hope you said hello."



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