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Author Topic: JIMMYBANG's Net News  (Read 480 times)

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JIMMYBANGTopic starter

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JIMMYBANG's Net News
« on: October 19, 2012, 09:39:59 PM »

    Old Man Shits Himself In Public Arena


JIMMYBANG'S - NET NEWS

Wong Fu Dong, 201, Brown Hole Province, China.

A drunken 201yr old Chinese man named Wong Fu Dong beat out all 4,000+ competitors in last weeks matches in the Province of Brown Hole, near the southern village of Dahy-Uh-Ree-Uh, by out shitting his pants more than anyone else. Mr. Dong shat out into his pants an amazing 7.3 Kilo's, or 16.0937 Pound's. He won 500 Yen. Approximately $6.3444 US. Asked what had he been eating, his only reply was a persons name. That name being Mai Lin. It was later discovered that the name of 'Mai Lin was actually the name of Mr. Dong's favorite pig which he slaughtered, and ate uncooked for that very competition. Unfortunately Mr. Dong soon slipped into a coma during our interview. Health officials at the contests guessed it to be brought on by severe food poisoning.

On a lighter note he did get a change of pants before being taken to hospital by ambulance.

Sadly, or not, Mr. Dong later passed away due to complications stemming from immune instabilities caused by an large amount of intestinal bacterial that had eaten away his digestive track, and upper colon.

His next of kin were all shocked, then slapped for being idiots.

No recall of pork products from China were expected, but Asian markets did take a sizable plunge to this news first airing on evening news broadcasts from south east Asian media agencies.
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JIMMYBANGTopic starter

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Re: JIMMYBANG's Net News
« Reply #1 on: October 19, 2012, 10:22:29 PM »

New Lines of Drugs Cause Defects


JIMMYBANG'S - NET NEWS

Is Your Unborn Child Really Protected By the FDA?

The Child above was born fucked up like that due to the father over using erection aid medications taken to keep a boner for more than four hours at a time.

Many new, over the counter, drugs have been given a free ride by the Food and Drug Administration. Legislation, past last term by the Senate Committee for 'Keeping Americans Well Medicated, is now under review by another Senate Committee for 'WTF Happened To That Kid?

Allegations that pharmaceutical companies are able to rush through their products on to the open market with little to no human trials before hand, have been rampant in the public speculation that something may be wrong with it after all. A companies only need, in getting by any existing regulations, is to list possible side effects, up to, and including 'causing deaths' allowing them an umbrella of protections from law suits, by private citizens, or even Governing Regulator's.

In a related study:
It has been found that the suicide rate for parents of these impaired children has now reached nearly 44%. Leaving a large number of the freaks in need of Government Assistance draining more of Tax Payer Dollars because no one will step forward to claim being next of kin. Violent protests by lab animal pro groups expected Sunday afternoons from 1-1:15 pm, or until they decide to do something else.
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JIMMYBANGTopic starter

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Re: JIMMYBANG's Net News
« Reply #2 on: October 22, 2012, 09:54:34 PM »

Satan Worshipers Light Penises on Fire


JIMMYBANG'S - NET NEWS

Cult Leader: As Shown Seated In Center of Three.

Ashburn, Maryland, USA
Satanic cult leader, Pete Whackinoff, not only set his own crotch on fire, to prove he was a truly gifted Satanist, he simultaneously set a light his two sex slaves as well. The Homo-erotic serial killing cult leader said "It's the only way to plant the seed of evil" when raping innocent Christians.

He went on to say "Burning them a new one not only turns on their evil desires, it makes them your bitch cause it's just like branding a cow", but he also proved to be bigoted by stating "Those fucking Jews need to be ass fucked more than any Arab".   

We did later follow the trio to a cross burning on a black persons front lawn which they lit in unison with their flaming crotches.
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